yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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