Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
