Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
