I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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