Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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