i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
