11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
