I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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