Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I want to be your penis for a week.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I need to sanitize my soul.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
