I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize
