ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
