...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
