I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
