I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
