His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
