i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
