if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
