haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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