U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
There are leaves in my underwear?
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