Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
