If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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