i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
