I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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