if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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