im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
