I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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