seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
