Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
