Screwed.edu
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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