I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
