This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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