After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
