the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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