You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
