Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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