Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
