im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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