A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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