i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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