Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
