She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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