You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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