youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Everyone says I win the strip club
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
