Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
