I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
