my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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