hotel room ftw
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
