I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
