dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
