If i come over, it means nothing
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this boner is exhausting
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
