Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
