do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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