Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
