Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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