haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
