How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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