Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
